We were delighted (not to mention slightly surprised) to be joined by talented actor and all-round lovely chap Chris Jarman - currently singing about terrible things as The General in the superb West End production of The Book of Mormon. He sticks around for the entire episode as we cover all the usual bases and bring a gaming twist to the deeply depraved "party game for horrible people" Cards Against Humanity. He even contributed to the intro tune and acted as this week's news gong. Whaddaguy.

We've listened to community feedback and taken a good, hard look in the mirror to ensure that The Explosive Alan Podcast 2K14 is the ultimate simulation of a gaming podcast. New features for '14 include:

- Procedural presenter interaction!

- Fully linear narrative with no moral decisions and just one ending!

- 63% all-new jingles!

- ShatChat(tm) authentic janky microphone emulation!

- Sobriety!

Edited down from what felt like forever's worth of increasingly slurred ranting comes the festive Explosive Alan Drunkcast, featuring:

-Our four-part Nativity play!

-A full review of the year where we manage to forget about Rayman Legends!

-Special guest stars including (and limited to) OXM/Regular Features laugh factory Jon Blyth and man of many jobs Matt Frost

-Mid-episode presenter departures!

-And much, much more*!

*There is nothing else

There was a lot of booze left over from our office Christmas do, so we thought it best to attempt consume it all - for the purposes of clearing some room in the communal fridge, you understand - while recording our latest podecaste (the 'e's are silent). The funny thing is, this isn't even the Drunkcast we have planned for next week's actual Christmas special. Consider it a rehearsal. Some good stuff this time, though - we introduce the new joker card system to our 60-Second News Gong, Gareth has a great new challenge and we go ten rounds with microtransactions in full-priced games before winning by TKO.

...And that's what you get when you democratise the episode naming process. We're sorry. In this episode we ditch a couple of regular features to share our games - best and worst - of the generation. And if you disagree with our choices well, to quote Jeffrey Lebowski, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

Put your ear to the ground. Hear that distant rumbling? That's a stampede of wild next-gen consoles charging towards us in a state of blind panic and confusion. Who can tame them? We don't know, and we're not sticking around to find out. No surprise then, that this episode clings onto the current generation as tenaciously as you would Powdered Toast Man's buttocks. It also features our very first, hopefully not last, listener challenge.

Should Sonic be humanely put down? Can you identify a game character when they're talking backwards? Can the mysteries of cloud computing be unravelled in a minute? What does Dan talk about in his sleep? Will Gareth ever play Pokemon? Get all the answers to questions you'd never have otherwise asked right here.

We're one Simon down for our frightful/fright-full 13th episode, which was unlucky for Dan because it meant he had to do the actual hard work for once. Fortunately, Dan also writes these descriptions, and he can confirm that it's actually the most well-edited podcast yet. We've got a suitably horror-themed challenge, a Great Debate dedicated to Resident Evil and a bit about (Call of Duty) Ghosts. Oh, do enjoy it!

Our four half-baked heroes return for more news, challenges and '#Bantz'. GTA and Pokemon feature (again), as does the latest on Mass Effect 4, Star Wars Battlefront 3, a Zelda film, Watch_Dogs delays and the team attempting to recreate famous gaming sound effects from memory.

This week's intro lyrics:

Explosive Alan Podcast x 3 / Games talk and challenges / In an hour / It’s four men who act like they’re fifteen (We’re really rad!) / They’re fully-grown adults it’s obscene (Hey – not that bad!) / If you want some inane chat / These grown up boys are here for that / Explosive Alan Podcast x 2 / They use language that is far from clean (You’re a fucking twat) / Dan’s a challenge cheat, Simon Chong’s a Sonic geek (I even like Unleashed) / Gareth Wild is frequently rude (Tell your mum) / Ash Denton’s got a grumpy attitude (Can I go home now?) / Explosive Alan Podcast x 3 / Games talk and challenges / In an hour